Administratrium, The New
Element
AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named
Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0.
However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and
111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous
exchange of particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be
detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with.
According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction
to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one
second.
Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies
have shown that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in
the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points, such as governmental
agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the
newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of
concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is
allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium
can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, butresults to date are not
promising. |
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