Here is a collection of
freshman history bloopers collected by a Canadian history professor (Anders
Henrickson) over the years.
During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state were
cooperatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords and surfs. It is
unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid out on a table before
us, ready for dissection.
After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeoed into Europe, merchants
appeared. Some were sitters and some were drifters. They roamed from town to
town exposing themselves and organized big fairies in the countryside.
Mideval people were violent. Murder during this Period was nothing. Everybody
killed someone. England fought numerously for land in France and ended up wining
and losing. The Crusades were a series of military expaditions made by
Christians seeking to free the holy land (the "Home Town" of Christ) from the
Islams.
In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular. A class of yeowls
arose. Finally Europe caught the Black Death. The bubonic plague is a social
disease in the sense that it can be transmitted by intercourse and other
etceteras. It was spread from port to port by infected rats. Victims of the
Black Death grew boobs on their necks. The plague also helped the emergance of
the English language as the national language of England, France and Italy.
The Middle Ages slimpared to a halt. The renasence bolted in from the blue. Life
reeked with joy. Italy became robust, and more individuals felt the value of
their human being. Italy, of course, was much closer to the rest of the world
thanks to Northern Europe. Man was determined to civilise himself and his
brothers, even if heads had to roll! It became sheik to be educated. Art was on
a more associated level. Europe was full of incredable churches with great art
bulging out of their doors. Renaissance merchants were beautiful and almost
lifelike.
The Reformnation happened when German nobles resented the idea that tithes were
going to Papal France or the Pope, thus enriching Catholic coiffures. Traditions
had become oppressive so they too were crushed in the wake of man's quest for
ressurection above the not-just-social beast he had become. An angry Martin
Luther nailed 95 theocrats to a church door. Theologically, Luthar was into
reorientation mutation. Calvinism was the most convenient religion since the
days of the ancients. Anabaptist services tended to be migratory. The Popes, of
course, were usually Catholic. Monks went right on seeing themselves as worms.
The last Jesuit priest died in the 19th century.
After the refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal. If the Spanish could
gain the Netherlands they would have a stronghold throughout northern Europe
which would include their posetions in Italy, Burgundy, central Europe and India
thus serrounding France. The German Emperor's lower passage was blocked by the
French for years and years.
Louise XIV became King of the Sun. He gave the people food and artillery. If he
didn't like someone, he sent them to the gallows to row for the rest of their
lives. Vauban was the royal minister of flirtation. In Russia the 17th century
was known as the time of the bounding of the serfs. Russian nobles wore clothes
only to humour Peter the Great. Peter filled his goverment with accidental
people and built a new capital near the European boarder. Orthodox priests
became government antennae.
The enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare wrote a book called Candy that
got him into trouble with Frederick the Great. Philosophers were unknown as yet,
and the fundamental stake was one of religious toleration slightly confused with
defeatism. France was in a serious state. Taxation was a great drain on the
state budget. The French revolution was accomplished before it happened. The
revolution evolved through republican and tolarian phases until it catapulted
into Napolean. Napoleon was ill with bladder problems and was very tense and
unrestrained.
History, a record of things left behind by past generations, started in 1815.
Throughout the comparatively radical years 1815-1870 the western European
continent was undergoing a Rampant period of economic modification.
Industrialisation was precipitating in England.
Problems were so complexicated that in Paris, out of a city population of 1
million people, 2 million able bodies were on the loose.
Great Brittian, the USA and other European countries had demicratic leanings.
The middle class was tired and needed a rest. The old order could see the lid
holding down new ideas beginning to shake. Among the goals of the chartists were
universal suferage and anal parliment. Voting was to be done by ballad.
A new time zone of national unification roared over the horizon. Founder of the
new Italy was Cavour, an intelligent Sardine from the north. Nationalism aided
Itally because nationalism is the growth of an army. We can see that nationalism
succeeded for Itally because of France's big army. Napoleam III-IV mounted the
French thrown. One thinks of Napoleon III as a live extension of the late but
great, Napoleon. Here too was the new Germany: loud, bold, vulgar and full of
reality.
Culture fomented from Europe's tip to its top. Richard Strauss, who was violent
but methodical like his wife made him, plunged into vicious and perverse plays.
Dramatized were adventures in seduction and abortion. Music reeked with reality.
Wagner was master of music, and people did not forget his contribution. When he
died they labeled his seat "historical". Other countries had their own artists.
France had Chekhov.
World War I broke out around 1912-1914. Germany was on one side of France and
Russia was on the other. At war people get killed, and then they aren't people
any more, but friends. Peace was proclaimed at Versigh, which was attended by
George Loid, Primal Minister of England. President Wilson arrived with 14
pointers. In 1937 Lenin revolted Russia. Communism raged among the peasants, and
the civil war 'team colours' were red and white.
Germany was displaced after WWI. This gave rise to Hitler. Germany was morbidly
over-excited and unbalanced. Berlin became the decadent capital, where all forms
of sexual deprivations were practised. A huge anti-semantic movement arose.
Attractive slogans like "death to all Jews" were used by government groups.
Hitler remilitarized the Rhineland over a squirmish between Germany and France.
The appeasers were blinded by the great red of the Soviets. Moosealini rested
his foundations on 8 million bayonets and invaded Hi Lee Salasy. Germany invaded
Poland, France invaded Belgium, and Russia invaded everybody. War screeched to
an end when a nukuleer explosion was dropped on Heroshima. A whole generation
had been wipe out in two world wars, and their forlorne families were left to
pick up the peaces.
According to Fromm, individuation began historically in medieval times. This was
a period of small childhood. There is increasing experience as adolescence
experiences its life development. The last stage is us. |
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