1. Ocean crossing flight:
This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you
that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.
2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can
recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of
peanuts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local
terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make
your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!
5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go
back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....
7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in
weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.
8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving
tendencies uses when you get in the car).
9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different than
the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway...
10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and
watched the in-flight movie.
11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!..
12. Don't worry! That one is always on E...
13. Get the parachutes ready...
14. Drinks are on me...
15. I'll have what the Captain's having...
16. Hey capt'n take another hit man... |
Two blondes were flying to
Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced
"One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't
worry we have three engines left".
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the
flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".
An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight
will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more
engine, we'll be up here all day" |
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