Most diets fail because we
are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any
success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also
work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of
table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat
Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow
this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better,
but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck! |
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost
more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food;
look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall
for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the
cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing.
Leave the rest to die.
Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat
it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece
of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the
remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.
Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto
the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the
newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.
Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the
dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the
middle of the loaf.
Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and
catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.
Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or beef works
well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room
rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints
across the entire room.
Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl
when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum
appliance you can find.
Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top of your
down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead
before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.
Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your
own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the floor.
Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs,
wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and
all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.
Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your
spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor
several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.
Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is
especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and
leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.